12 Qualities That Set Ultra Successful People Apart

Ultra successful people delight themselves by blowing their personal goals out of the water. They succeed along many different dimensions of life--their friendships, their physical and mental health, their families, and their jobs (which they are not only good at but also enjoy).



TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we've found that ultra successful people have a lot in common. In particular, 90% of them are skilled at managing their emotions in order to stay focused, calm, and productive.

These super successful folks have high emotional intelligence (EQ), a quality that's critical to achieving your dreams.

While I've run across numerous effective strategies that ultra successful people employ to reach their goals, what follows are twelve of the best. Some of these may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so.

1. They're Composed

Ultra successful people are composed because they constantly monitor their emotions, they understand them, and they use this knowledge in the moment to react to challenging situations with self-control. When things go downhill, they are persistently calm and frustratingly content (frustrating to those who aren't, at least). They know that no matter how good or bad things get, everything changes with time. All they can do is adapt and adjust to stay happy and in control.

2. They're Knowledgeable

Super successful people know more than others do because they're constantly working to increase their self-awareness. They vow constant growth. Whenever they have a spare moment, they fill it with self-education. They don't do this because it's "the right thing to do"; they do it because it's their passion. They're always looking for opportunities to improve and new things to learn about themselves and the world around them. Instead of succumbing to their fear of looking stupid, truly exceptional people just ask the questions on their mind, because they would rather learn something new than appear smart.

3. They're Deliberate

Ultra successful people reach decisions by thinking things out, seeking advice from others, and sleeping on it. They know that (as studies show) impulsively relying too much on gut-instinct is ineffective and misleading. Being able to slow down and logically think things through makes all the difference.

4. They Speak with Certainty

It's rare to hear super successful people utter things like "Um," "I'm not sure," and "I think." Successful people speak assertively because they know that it's difficult to get people to listen to you if you can't deliver your ideas with conviction.

5. They Use Positive Body Language

Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they're positive) draws people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who's speaking are all forms of positive body language that super successful people use to draw others in. Positive body language makes all the difference in a conversation because how you say something can be more important than what you say.

6. They Leave a Strong First Impression

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in how people respond to you. First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. A strong posture, a firm handshake, a smile, and open shoulders help ensure that your first impression is a good one.

7. They Seek Out Small Victories

Successful people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield only small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you achieve a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

8. They're Fearless

Fear is nothing more than a lingering emotion that's fueled by your imagination. Danger is real. It's the uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a bus. Fear is a choice. Exceptional people know this better than anyone does, so they flip fear on its head. Instead of letting fear take over, they are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears.

9. They're Graceful

Graceful people are the perfect combination of strong and gentle. They don't resort to intimidation, anger, or manipulation to get a point across because their gentle, self-assured nature gets the job done. The word gentle often carries a negative connotation (especially in the workplace), but in reality, it's the gentleness of being graceful that gives ultra successful people their power. They're approachable, likeable, and easy to get along with--all qualities that make people highly amenable to their ideas.

10. They're Honest

Super successful people trust that honesty and integrity, though painful at times, always work out for the best in the long run. They know that honesty allows for genuine connections with people in a way that dishonesty can't and that lying always comes back to bite you in the end. In fact, a Notre Dame study showed that people who often lied experienced more mental health problems than their more honest counterparts.

11. They're Grateful

Ultra successful people know that it took a lot of ambition, passion, and hard work to get where they are in life. They also know that their mentors, colleagues, families, and friends all played a huge role in their success. Instead of basking in the glory of achievement, super successful people recognize others for the wonderful things they've done for them.

12. They're Appreciative

Truly exceptional people are able to achieve so much because they know the importance of slowing down and appreciating everything they already have. They know that a huge amount of their positivity, grit, and motivation comes from their ability to stay grounded and appreciate the opportunities that life has given them thus far.

Bringing It All Together

These habits can make any of us more successful if we use them every day. Give them a try and see where they take you.

What other habits set ultra successful people apart? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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A Matter of Confidence

When it's my turn in line at Starbucks, I order a decaffeinated latte and without thinking I utter, "sorry." Whether real or perceived, I feel that the barista is judging me for ordering decaf. After all, isn't the point of coffee the caffeine? I could offer support and tell her about my weak stomach lining, how I'd feel the acid splashing for hours, but then I'd run the risk of sounding needy.

Once home from the morning loop of dropping off my three kids at school and humbling myself at Starbucks, I settle in at my computer. As a writer, I have a mountain of work to do: essays to write, a website to update, a barrage of social media sites to post to. Not to mention the next book -- that unruly behemoth of a document that requires the most attention.

The kids are at school. The clock is ticking. Everything else could and should wait.

But my brain is a hamster on a wheel, and with each revolution I am reminded of all the motherly duties I've left undone: Daughter No. 1 needs to get to the orthodontist; Daughter No. 2 needs the dermatologist; Daughter No. 3 needs a new tennis racquet. I scribble down a quick list of 15 items.

I shove the formidable mommy to-do list from my brain, but it's hard to say no to the nurturing, caregiving side of myself, kind of like slamming the door on Girl Scouts selling cookies. My first nature is to take care of my family. But I also want to advance my career. Damn me, wanting to have my cake and eat it, too.

I focus on my writing, managing to edit a good 20 pages of the next novel and am preparing to launch into some new material. But then the laundry buzzes, and because I know Daughter No. 2's soccer uniform is in it (one she'll need for this afternoon), I pop up to empty the load.

While I fold, I click on CNBC. Female newscasters, female analysts, female fund managers. By all accounts, females have succeeded; they have procured the same opportunities as the men. Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer is so committed to her job, she has declined her right to maternity leave when her twins arrive. The commentators bicker back and forth, debating whether this is a smart move for her career, for her family. A conversation that would never ensue if she were a he.

I deliver the laundry bundles to the doors of my children's rooms. Then I get back to my computer. I'm inspired to write some new pages, but in the back of my mind the to-do list ticks like a metronome. More immediate than the novel deadline is a batch of other commitments: A book review, a magazine essay, a list of my favorite reads for a literary blog.

I'll get to it all, I vow. But first let me write these new pages. I'm two pages in when an alert pops up at the bottom of my screen: Grandma's birthday. I quickly click on my online calendar. I see that we're entering into the birthday season for my family. In the next four months alone there are six birthdays to celebrate, in addition to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

There is too much to do and not enough time. I'll get it done, but how well? A dark cloud of inadequacy hovers over me as the shame seeps in. The constant worry of not measuring up either at home or at work nags at me like a fly buzzing at my ear. As Sheryl Sandberg writes in Lean In, "The stereotype of a working woman is rarely attractive. She's almost always harried and guilt-ridden." I envision a cartoon depiction of me, a frantic woman running in circles like a dog chasing its tail.

I think of the novel I Don't Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson. The female protagonist, Kate, having just flown in from a business trip in the middle of the night, switches roles from high-powered hedge fund manager to at-home mother and attempts to "distress" a store-bought mince pie for her daughter's school in an effort to make it look homemade. Having done this, she then needs to dispose of the evidence -- the store-bought wrapper -- lest her nanny rats her out to the other moms. The pressure of being the perfect mom while at the same time the ladder-climbing working woman bears down on her like the Boeing jet she just flew in on.

Later, I drive up to my kids' school for a parent association meeting. I've "over-volunteered," as I frequently do, chairing multiple committees. With two daughters entering high school next year, I know my time with them is dwindling. I want to be as involved as I can. While another woman speaks, I feel the buzz of my phone. I take a peek. A text from my mother. "Still alive?" it reads. "Haven't heard from you for a while." I add Call Mom to my mental to-do list.

The obligations abound: to my husband, children, and parents. To the workplace, my volunteer activities, and maintaining the home. Sandberg has described my frustration perfectly, the "holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter." I don't want to disappoint anyone.

For women, balancing our home life with our work life is only the first step. We also need to strike the just right tone. I want to be heard, but I also want to be liked. Society -- for all that it has allowed in terms of feminism -- still demands that we act appropriately female. No one likes the loud-mouthed woman. Ambitious and aggressive women violate our social norms about how we should act. We expect men to be driven and decisive. We expect women to be sensitive and communal, says Sandberg. And it doesn't take much to be labeled in a derogatory way. Just standing one's ground is often enough.

In her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain claims that our society values extroverts, the booming man of action, who talks first and loud, who takes risk, and whose charisma is spell-binding. Our culture used to value the person of introspection, the quiet, prudent, and morally upstanding individual, Cain says, yet now we love the salesman, the Tony Robbins of the business world. This could account for Trump's popularity. Side by side, he out-"charismas" his opponents.

If this is true, and if we as a culture reward the booming, engaging individual, women are in a real fix. In our guts we know our place. We know it's okay for us to want to strive and thrive in the worlds of business, academia, medicine, and any other field. But we also know that our female role requires us to be nice, compassionate, and caring. We can only be so forceful before we cross the line and offend those same people we're trying to impress.

Maybe that's why we apologize our way through the day, even at Starbucks.

In a recent satire by edgy comedian Amy Schumer, a group of professional women innovators have been asked to participate in a panel discussion. What follows is a string of apologies for saying too much, too little, for clearing one's throat, for asking a question, and for being misconstrued as the wrong type of scientist. At one point, one of the panel members (played by Schumer) offers to "run to the store" to get medicine for an ailing audience member -- the ultimate show of female nurturing, even when she's working.

Perhaps the apology is our way of permitting ourselves to lean in. It's the compromise that says we will no longer be silent, relegated to a lesser position, but will preface our opinions with a copious amount of "sorrys" and all the other precursors that beg our listeners to hear us but also to still like us.

"I hope you don't mind my asking..."

"This might be a stupid question...."

We're using "sorry" as a stand-in for "excuse me."

Or maybe not.

Maybe we are just truly sorry. Sorry for being both a mother and having a job. Sorry that we can't be in two places at once.

Feeling sorry just might come with the territory of assuming so many different roles and creating the fraud that's inherent in being one thing to one person and another thing to another. When I'm around a group of moms, I want to be just like them, telling silly stories about what our children said, debating best techniques for homework management, and swapping lunch box ideas. When I'm conducting business, I play a different role with different tones, different vocabulary, and different body language, which hints at living two lives.

Yet women are anything but fraudulent. The honesty with which they scrutinize their own abilities is often to their detriment. In researching for their book, The Confidence Code, Kay and Shipman found that women will only apply for jobs or promotions if they feel they're 100 percent qualified versus men who will take the chance, even if they're woefully underqualified, gauging their abilities at maybe 50 percent of what's needed.

More likely the reason we apologize so much is simply that our confidence doesn't match our competence. For all the strides made -- females earning more college and graduate degrees than males, closing the gap on middle management, and inching our way toward a more equitable pay -- we're still not finding the bold confidence to own our accomplishments.

Discounting our abilities is a female phenomenon. Women are likely to attribute their successes to the help from others, luck, or being in the right place at the right time. Men more easily attribute success internally, stating that a victory was due to his high level of competency.

It seems that we as women, in general, are quite hard on ourselves. We worry about whether we're allocating our time properly, we ruminate to the point of constant worry, and we demand perfection. Perhaps the next rung of feminism we must reach for is owning our accomplishments, without apology.

But for now, it's a crisis of confidence and for that, I'm truly sorry.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.